In an age of so much connectivity (social media) where the phenomenon FOMO (fear of missing out) emerged, it is hard to see solitude with good eyes.
The images we feel are acceptable on social media portray people as successful, beautiful, having fun or in an adventure. Things that aren’t that easily, on an everyday basis, achievable. Some are not that hard either, but maybe you need to carefully plan when to go out with your friends, you don’t have the right camera to show off your perfect work outfit, you can’t manage to travel to a new city every month, etc etc. And so it may seem like you don’t belong there, you won’t fit in, you are not at the same level as others in the social media. That is social pressure right there.
The biggest advice we are given as a treatment for loneliness is love. It is the oldest story in the book. Find the right person and you will never again feel lonely. But it doesn’t work like that. Or if not a lover, than there are so many people around you, it is only your blame you feel lonely. But we shouldn’t be so quick with this suggestion and judgement. For it isn’t the lack of people close by, but instead the inability or lack of knowledge on how to create a connection. When we spent time alone to really get to know ourselves we begin to value our needs and time so much more. Which will also mean that you’ll become much more selective about the people with whom you choose to interact with. Which is a good, but hard thing to deal with, since you know what you are looking for, but seems much harder to find it. Mostly because people have this idea that they have to constantly show off. When in truth what we want and are looking for is a level of vulnerability to match ours. Let’s be honest, that is how people truly connect.
“The problem is not loneliness, but rather the self-destructive things we do to avoid being lonely. That is the problem, but one we can solve” When alone we are confronted by ourselves: our deepest fears, thoughts, worries and worst of all our true meaning. “What is the purpose of our lives?” the question that haunts humanity from the beginning of time.
Creation is another answer to loneliness. We create so that it can be seen by others, even without knowing who, it will still be proof that we exist, that we are here. And is used as a question too: ‘Is anyone else out there? I am here as well. You are not alone. We are both here.’ And that is connection enough for our loneliness. And that runs the sense of community. Great examples of it are bloggers and youtubers, who find like-minded people through the internet, because they didn’t find them closer. In a try to fight their loneliness they looked further, for people across the world. Creation can also give us a sense of purpose, when used to it’s best intent. So make yourself some time to unleash the creative goodness that may lie inside.
I am currently sharing a room, something I haven’t done for a long period of time, for instance since I was about 13 years old? And after living abroad in an apartment for myself I kind of miss all the time I had for myself, to be alone.
-I get to sing on top of my lungs, without judgement or noise complaints
-I get to have my famous dance parties
-I get to walk around naked
-I can spend the day chilling in bed without being bothered
-I set my own schedules: eat when I want, go out when I want, without having to tell anyone
-I have all the silence when I want to meditate
-I have no one looking at me when I am practising yoga or planning out what to wear the next day, or just plain playing dress up
-I have silence to be alone with my thoughts, writing it down without anyone asking what am I doing
-I can doodle and paint without receiving unwanted opinions and comments
As you can see I really enjoy spending time alone. And I spend it trying out new things or things that I’m not that good at but wish to be, or just self-evaluating and reflecting or just taking care of myself. It is so healthy and important. Especially the dance parties: they’re about relaxing and accepting yourself. Not giving a damn about anybody or anything else. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. Spend time with yourself. I promise it will be quality time.
Stay sane. Stay classy ❤